grrlTravels

“Spicy Hunan Girl”???? You are *kidding* me. You are, right? Oh dear, you're not.

This is a great list. Thank you for putting it out there -- I learned a lot by reading it!

That's a great list. And what is funny about me, is I like the red threads and the ladybugs, and I am not even adopting from China. I guess I am a wannabe.

Thanks for sharing the list..it is very helpful to someone who has friends adopting from China.

Your comments are very interesting. As a mother of a girl adopted from China and now waiting on a referral this Friday (DTC 12/13/04) I hope we meet in China to talk. Have you been there? How much ezperience have you had there and here with a child from China? I've studied much about China since returning in 2002 but am always interested in what others think going thru this. Have you read the "Lost Daughters of China" and the book that describes what effect "these adoptions will mean to American society"? You have moved beyond the glitter that is "Adopring from China".

I think about the mistakes I will make, and I'm sure there will be many. I think your recent posts should be mandatory reading for a-parents to spare them from making a whole slew of other mistakes. None of us will do it perfectly, but I'm just stunned by the seeming willfulness of some NOT to even consider some of these issues as issues. Sigh. I heart you.

I'd like to add that there are regional differences in perception in the US as well. For example, here in Hawaii, it's quite acceptable to use the word "oriental". It makes me cringe, and not just because my dh (who is Vietnamese American) hates it.

I'm not sure what to think of Buddha images. My ILs are Buddhist, and my son's carseat and bassinet have special blessed images placed there by my MIL. I do feel a little weird about it, but I'm looking at it as something that is meaningful to my MIL. I'm not sure that I would be able to put it there myself, though, even with her approval.

Parenting a coc is hard, even in situtations like mine. I get a lot more leeway, living in Hawaii, and I have guidance from my husband.

Serious question-I do not understand 'cutesy...' Do you mean pictures/representations of the same? I am pretty well confused here.

Amazing post.
We have the 'Oriental' thing here in the UK too because 'Asian' has been used for decades to describe anyone from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh etc...South Asia. I try to use East Asian and hope I'm not offending anyone.
Pandas are a questionable one for me. My brothers and I all had them, I have some for E, I would if she were French/British/Nigerian...They're just teddies round here.But I guess we don't see them as 'Symbols of China'. Oh god and I have a tattoo that is actually Japanese, from many years ago, that is the symbol for a healing method I studied for a long time. Now it just looks like a crappy fake Chinese tattoo that might say 'leather fruit bicycle' or something.Ugh. Just say no to tattoos.

In defence of the "Spicy Hunan Girl"

We had not heard of this saying prior to my husband going to the Hunan province to get our daughter. It was a local tour guide that told our group that in China girls from the Hunan province are considered "spicy" this is for 2 reasons (we were told) 1) They have short fuses, something we've witnessed first hand with our little girl. She is a happy girl..but when she blows it is quite spectacular!

2) The Hunan province is known for their "hot and spicy" cuisine. This seems to be backed up by the fact that our little girl loves spicy food. In fact we sometimes refer to her as "spicy food" because this kid can eat 5 alarm chili and not blink and eye!

In regards to the rest of the list...I think the important thing is that these girls get placed in loving homes, are well cared for and are brought up to embrace and respect their culture. Embracing their culture goes beyond panda bears and ladybugs...at least that is my view.

Great list. It's reminds of of some of the things Jane Brown has been saying for years, and constantly gets heat from other a-parents. I especially like what you had to say about respecting religion and not making it into a trinket.

I don't have a problem with Hunan girls being spicy, as I was told by a Chinese person who was born there that they locals say this. In my daughter's province, they are know for being practical and good in business. It seems each province has something attached to it that the local reference to.

Also, I just had a conversation with a person who used the term oriental in reference to the Chinese people. (I thought of Figlet's old post). Iasked him about it and it was for the exact reason the above poster mentioned. But. That doesn't mean it's acceptable here in the States. It just depends on the context (who is saying it.)

Great list. I seriously hope you are joking about the "My parents went to China..." t-shirt.

I also want to add that I think it is so problematic when families dress their girls who were born in China up in Chinese silk outfits, but no one else in the family wears them. I saw a family photo once where the mom, dad and two biological kids were wearing black jeans and black shirts against a black background. Their daughter, who was adopted from China, was seriously seated on a pedastal and wearing a red silk Chinese outfit! Unbelievable! I seriously think that adopting trans-culturally makes the whole family a trans-cultural family. In my opinion, we will be a Chinese-American family, so if our daughter is going to learn Chinese language, celebrate Chinese holidays, etc. so are we.

Excellent list. Thank you. (My daughter is from Guangxi.)

this is a great list. and as the biological mama of a bicultural/biracial child (my husband is vietnamese-american, and i'm not), i would like to testify that it is not only international-adoption-built families that struggle with this stuff. i have found that the stupid things people do, say, or wear just illustrate their ignorance, and it's easy for me to walk away from--most of the time. it's wonderful to see that you have put so much effort and care into the exploration of your daughter's culture. i have read a fair number of international adoption blogs, and i have yet to see much of this type of thoughtfulness on a broad scale.

I will admit: when I first began the adoption process, I looked at one of those t-shirts and thought it was kind of cute.

Babystyle has some onesies that have "faux" Chinese fortunes on them--things like "I will make a doody in my pants" and "I will be napping soon." I thought they were cute in the first second I looked at them--and then thought, no no no.

I agree with everything here, but I'm torn about the tattoo thing. I wanted to get Maya's whole name tattooed on me in Chinese characters. As cheesy and "wrong" as it sounds, I felt like that would make her somehow a part of my physical body. I don't know if that makes sense. Anyway, I think I may still do it, but inconspicuously. It's not for anyone to see, just for me.

Thanks, again, for this.

Very interesting list. Well considered.

I would guess I have violated these guidelines a few times (as applied to Korean culture anyway).

I will occasionally wear a t shirt with a Korean flag on it. Nothing else. I also have one that says "father" in Korean.

The one I am loathe to give up, though, is the one that says, more or less "I have no idea what this shirt says" in Korean.

:)

well done. So excellent and emcompassing. to me the thing is, there are so many OTHER ways of incorporating a child's culture into their environment. I wanted a sort of chinese theme in her room without going overboard. So I painted a cherry blossom in bloom in one corner of the room and a pagoda roof and door over her closet door.

I have a paint by number Jesus in my house with a Lakota dream catcher catching dust from the corner of the frame, hanging over my glow in the dark Virgin Mary collection next to our favorite Buddha. We have saints and virgin Mary cards sitting on a shelf in our daughter's room next to another tiny Buddah and I wear bracelets with Kwan Yin on them. I also wear a Fu charm around my neck and have a big Fu hanging near my front door (next to my horseshoe). I am no more reverent about Catholic or Protestant or Native American icons than I am Buddhist or Chinese ones but I am no less reverent either. They are all icons associated with various cultural or religious practices or beliefs or superstitions that I find interesting and have even appropriated certain sensibilities and attitudes from but that I do not claim as my own. I see them as art. It is also significant to add that my great grandmother painted the Jesus. My friends that lived with and adopted Lakota culture and religion as their own gave us the Native American artifacts (after we spent a week observing and learning at a Sundance in South Dakota one summer) and the Buddha was a house warming gift, a head taken from a vandalized statue and given to us as a house warming gift just after we were married and bought our first house. The prayer cards were given to our daughter by an 8 year friend who traveled to Rome and purchased these cards that had been blessed by the Pope. I love the good intentions associated with the cards. The Fus are important because that is the name my daughter was given in China. She was also born on the lunar new year so, I see it as a character associated with that holiday, a holiday associated with her birth culture, but also a symbol of her birth date! It has personal as well as cultural significance for us. I also have a waving maneki in my kitchen window, pennies that I found face up in a cup with some favorable fortunes I got out of fortune cookies . Superstition and personal ritual probably play a large part in my choice to display these artifacts or collect the trinkets that reside in my house. I feel we need all of the help we can get.

I really think it is great that you are thinking so much about these issues and are trying to be respectful of your daughter's birth culture. I find it very admirable --really. I just also think that things are relative and our personal experiences need to be taken into consideration. Sometimes a ladybug is just a ladybug.

I like the list. I like the commentary, too.

The point isn't that placing icons of a culture in or around your home is bad, per se. The point is that as adoptive parents, we need to think about truly incorporating our child's birthculture into our lives without being trite or superficial.

I know there are things I will likely do wrong while attempting to incorporate all things Colombian into our lives. The Spanish nursery rhymes I bought last week comes to mind. But, the list is a critical reminder that a genuine effort is required. Plastering a room with stuff doesn't count.

Thanks for the reminder.

Interesting list. I must admit I am not religious and can rather agree with Tracie's take on the different items. I DO think it is appalling the things I hear about adopted Chinese children, both from strangers and from adoptive parents (ie "of course she won't learn "chinese"... there are so many different languages in china, but it doesn't matter cuz she's not Chinese anymore, she's Quebecois" (I live in Quebec). I think it would be interesting to see how Chinese Americans decorate their little girls' rooms. My grandparents were swedish, and some things I loved (pippi longstocking, the little wooden horses), but heck, I didn't want a swedish bedroom, I wanted a little girl bedroom, with a bunkbed with circus stripes and pirate ship feel. I'd hate to be reduced to my "heritage". ps, here from bloghopping, not sure from where. (ps, I have read a critique of the "made in china" tshirt thing, saying it equates the child with cheap crappy manufactured goods. However, that is perhaps incredibly demeaning to the people who work hard in china to make the things that are "made in china"... I am sure that they are proud to see items made in their country. I would hate for "made in Canada" to be thrown out with the trash since it supposedly signified shoddy cheapness. Perhaps we need to value "made in china" a bit more on all levels. just a thought.

With the notable exception of a few clearly racist items, I find myself in disagreement with most of the comments on this list. Personally I think it looks like an attempt to be too politically correct and hyper-sensitive. However the list has generated discussion on an interesting topic and I thank you for that.

I am left with the thought that the current crop of adoptive parents are at risk of over-correcting for the lessons of past generations. I deliberately choose the word "lessons" and not "mistakes" as the latter implies judgement.

I ask you what will our children think if we are forever tip-toeing around elements of Chinese culture that for some reason we deem to be innapropriate? I say bring on the chopsticks, panda's, red threads, ladybugs, bamboo and fortune cookies! Presented in context they are as culturally valid as Chinese Opera!

As adoptive parents let's try to encourage celebration instead of indocrination!

Thank you for a thought provocing entry. While you make some excellent points, I fear it may make people hesitant to embrace any elements of Chinese culture for fear of seeming tacky and insensitive. We are awaiting our referral from China and for Christmas my husband gave me a necklace with the Chinese characters for mother and daughter engraved on mother-of-pearl. I treasure it and sincerely hope that it would not offend a Chinese person who saw me wearing it. I agree that symbols such as that are no substitute for truly learing about our child's culture and trying to teach it to her, but for me it provided a tangible connection to the little one I am waiting to meet. If a ladybug or red thread does that for someone else I say more power to you.

What's worked for us: Our home includes things like a rice cooker (don't laugh - our kids LOVE the fact that we have this and use all the time; our daughter's favorite snack is kimchi-bab, rice and kimchi), chopsticks (we keep the in a square vase out on the counter so the we all can grab them whenever we need to - got that idea from a friend in Tokyo who does that in her kitchen) and Asian tableware that are also used all the time, Asian furniture pieces, Korean stationery, books on a range of Asian topics and by Asian authors, and Asian magazines. They're a things that we use all the time, and are now woven into our day-to-day life.