grrlTravels

I have to be honest with you - the first time I came across your blog, it freaked me out a little. We were just recently logged-in and I was in the rainbows and butterflys(ladybugs) stage. Now, almost 12 months later, your blog has become this amazing place to me. Along the way I lost the rose-colored view of IA and have become much more realistic, due in part to what I read here. I feel I'm better prepared and I want to thank you for that. It's nice to get a real, honest depiction of your everyday life.

I applaud you for writing down your experiences in a way that we all can read them. They have helped me see all the joy, and hardship which a child with challanging, different needs give to a family.
Thank you

You know...the challenges you're facing with Zee are -not- just the challenges that internationally-adoptiong parents may face. They're the challenges any parent may face. We never know the kind of kid we'll end up with. Sure, knowing our own or our partner's own disposition and/or medical history may help, but in reality we get what we get, whether we travel to the other side of the planet for our child or to the nearest hospital.

We will very likely never be in a position to adopt a child, internationally or not. I learn a whole lot from you all the same.

I come hear because I love the way you write. I sometimes laugh. I sometimes cry. I am glad that you choose to write honestly about what your family is going through. For what it's worth, this blog has opened my eyes and helped me better prepare for the rewards and challenges that lie ahead for my family.

Thanks,
Sparky
(who is totally bummed that you have to be a neat non-slacker to be mother of the year....I'm screwed)

I agree that not only IA parents deal with these issues. Many, many bio parents are struggling with the same issues. No parent has any guarantees with any child (as much as we would like them!).

However it is pretty clear to me that in our specific situation many of Z.'s issues are related to being institutionalized for the first months of her life. My gut feeling is that some of her issues are more common to post-institutionalized children: global developmental delays (with no comorbid condition), oral aversion, and attachment issues spring to mind. Certainly they are issues that adoptive parents of post-institutionalized need to be aware of and prepared to address (my angle). More to come on this (are some orphanages better than others? are some countries better than others?).

One of my favorite Gandhi quotes is that whatever we do is insignificant, but we must do it anyways.

It is because you are an extraordinary parent that you see yourself as ordinary.

I am glad you wrote that, because we all know *I* am the mother of the year. I was afraid you were going to try to make off with my crown and big belt buckle. ;)

Even though Cupcake received a tremendous amount of attention and love while she was in the orphanage, and is physically healthy (besides a rash and a raging ear situation), she still has many issues with being left alone even if we are a few steps away, and has nightmares that have her crying out, thrashing, and trying to escape in her sleep. It's hard to witness and to understand, and it's especially hard to know that there's nothing I can do to FIX these things for her, erase them from her memory and her general bank of life experiences. All I can do is love her and be patient and hope that the new memories take over whatever old ones trouble her so.

Like several others, when I first read your blog, it was a HUGE wakeup call. But I couldn't click away- I read your entire archives in one night and walked away with a ton of questions. The biggest was "Am I really ready for this?" I knew I had to face facts and the truth of the matter- I wasn't bringing home a cuddly kitten from the shelter, I was adopting a child and shaking up her life. I went from expecting a little ladybug-adorned almond-eyes princess (gag!) to being more realistic in my hopes and desires for both our adoption and our daughter. All I wanted was for *me* to be able to handle whatever the baby brought our way. The focus of my hopes shifted from what I hoped the baby would be like to what I hoped I could face and handle as a parent.

After being with my daughter four days now, I can say all my realistic hopes and desires have been exceded. However, if I had hit this weekend (she came home Friday) with the old expectations, I'd be in trouble. But right now I can't believe what a tremendous blessing it is that she's OKAY, and that her emotional and physical state isn't so much worse. So far everything that came my way is something I can handle, but I have learned so quickly that now life is measured minute by minute instead of day to day or week to week.

Okay, I will shut up now.

In conclusion: your blog changed my adoption and has been a benefit to not only me, but also my daughter. Thank you.

Hey, I'm glad you're writing about your experiences, and I'm neither a biological nor adoptive parent. I just think your story is intrinsically exciting, suspenseful and momentous. It's just good reading. I'm also fascinated by how grafecully you deal with these challenges, without any drama or self-pity. Families are all interesting and your family is particularly so.

Oh, I'm sorry, I mis-wrote my comment on the previous post. What I meant was "Mothah" with display of gang signs etc. yo. yo. yo.

;)

"Although this blog does not specifically make the system different in any way, it might help to educate parents-to-be..."

It has done that, and for the extra dose of preparedness, I thank you.

Thank you.

There's a BIG BELT BUCKLE?

I must rethink this. I'm off to consult with...someone who can help me win the Big Belt Buckle. I covet it. I want it.

I appreciate your candor. I have learned a lot through your experience and feel better prepared to face any challenges that come our way. I have read books on IA and attachment, but personal stories are always easier for me to relate to. Thanks.

Amy, I really appreciate your candor and your open-ness. It's important to prepare for whatever may come, and I'm happy to see that you're not just reporting "fluff", but showing us an entire picture. I'm hoping that blogs such as yours will help prepare people for the fact that adoption will probably not be the problem free existence that you think it will be, and it can be quite challenging (but really, so is biological parenthood!).

Yes, "Mother of the Century" seems to imply perfection and who wants to try and live up to that? However, I appreciate your willingness to open up your life to strangers, not only for the "vent-ability", but for the education of others who may be considering IA or may be dealing with some challenges of their own. I wish I could lay myself open on my blog as much as you do. It's a gift to all of us and your ability to have access to these thoughts and work through them is a gift to your children. So, maybe not "Mother of the Century", but surely a good mom. Thanks for all of your sharing!

I really appreciate your blog and its forthrightness. As a waiting parent-to-be, you've given me a lot to think about and your posts have resulted in some very important discussions between the husband and I. And beyond that, your writing is funny, poignant and just plain wonderful. I think you are a beautiful family.

Your blog was one of the first ones I came across after starting the adoption process. I had read it once before you password protected your journey to China. I shyly asked for a password and you shared. You shared a journey that opened my eyes to real love and real life. I thank you for continuing to share your honest feelings and experiences.

Hmm, maybe we can have Chicago KLB Fight Club for the belt buckle.

You still rock, Mother of the Century or not!

TO be honest, I really love reading your writing. You are showing the depth of human compassion by sharing your real feelings about Z and how her challenges affect the whole family. Yet, you love her for who she is anyway.

And any mom who can get through a day with 2 kids under 5 without toddlercide gets a "mom of the century" vote from me! (okay, I do that too, but hey, two kids under 5 is TOUGH!)

Your blog is on my "must read" list *because* you share all the tough stuff and don't try to gloss everything over. And I never thought you had Munchausen's because you clearly don't enjoy trips to the doctor that much. ;-)

I appreciate your writing. You are an inspiration to me. I think that will make you cringe, which is why I haven't said it before, but what I mean is that it seems like you are a normal person dealing well with a difficult situation, which gives me hope that I could too, maybe.