February 16, 2008
Hohhot, Days 3 and 4: Miscellany
- I am hoping that I remembering correctly that day 2 is the worst of the grieving and things go relatively uphill from there. I believe someone told me that. If not please don't feel the need to correct me. Yesterday was a long, sad, wearing day and I hope the days continue to get better starting with today.
- Mao-Mao has chosen to bond to K. Strongly. From the first moment. I have had bits of sadness here and there, but I am busy with the two others and I don't have much time for moping. He has let me touch him and feed him and hold him and that is enough. We are not pushing it right now, just a bit here and there when he is in a good mood.
- Mao-Mao was fed 5 7-ounce bottles of formula per day and as well as all three meals. He wants to eat CONSTANTLY. It is charming and a teensy bit horrifying. He can be pacified quickly with cheerios or goldfish crackers and that has been helpful. We do think he is stress eating right now as well, using food as a coping mechanism, and who hasn't been there? But holy cow. And I do mean holy.
- I have not been shooting much. It seems that dragging three children around Inner Mongolia in the middle of winter is enough for me. We have been shopping for necessities (yogurt, warm pants and hats), visiting the museum, shopping for non-necessities, and eating. Each outing requires much prior planning and bundling and we are always late. China is not stroller friendly, but we can't tote the three without a stroller. Thus there are a dearth of photos. I need to try harder, but we are so busy! Busy really doesn't begin to describe it.
- I am trying to refrain from posting my arty fartsy photos, of which there are some, but the photo below of the stuffed wolf must be shared. Turns out that Hohhot and perhaps all of Inner Mongolia is a hotbed of taxidermy. Bet you didn't know that. All of the animals in the lovely, large museum were real stuffed animals. Horses, birds, camels, dogs—all once living and breathing. There is taxidermy EVERYWHERE. Even at the cashmere factory store.
- There aren't many photos of the three children together. This is because the three children do not like each other all that much right now. Mao-Mao is extremely jealous of K. and when E. sits on K.'s lap Mao-Mao claws at him. Z. is retreating and clinging to me as much as possible. Mao-Mao wants nothing to do with the children. The children want nothing to do with Mao-Mao. So much for the kids helping him to adjust to the family.
- Most of the territorial struggles have been confined to the stroller thus far. Well, the stroller and K.'s lap, but mostly the stroller. If someone sits in someone else's usual seat all hell breaks lose. It is fascinating to watch if you aren't actually living it at the same time.
- Tomorrow we go to the children's home (not the SWI) to see Mao-Mao's caretakers and foster parents. I can't say that I'm looking forward to it, seeing how rough the last few days have been. But I know how important it is and so we are going. 2 1/2 hours one way in the car. Mao-Mao falls asleep every time we get in a taxi so I'm not so worried about the trip. Just that I hate long car rides, and it IS all about me, right? Perhaps no post tomorrow, but we will let you know how it goes eventually when we have recovered.
- Debs, I will tell you what it is like to be a mother of three once I figure it out. Right now I am mothering 2 1/4 and with the disorientation and the jet lag I don't even know my own name, much less what the mothering is like. Or perhaps I am deep denial. <wink>
This was posed. So posed.
The boys get in more bonding.
He has a price tag on his tongue. Enough said.
A few more smiles right after lunch today.
E was fine during day two but NIGHT two? Oy. Horrible. I think you're right.
I hope things settle down a bit for you soon. You KNOW that one day you'll look back at this and it'll just be a distant memory. Both boys will be screaming with laughter while they play together and it'll be Mama that MaoMao runs to when it all ends in the inevitable, momentary tears!
Meanwhile, I'm SO impressed that you're blogging.
Amy, BB was a total stress eater. had to have something in her mouth every waking moment... even fell asleep with food in her mouth. It passed. she's still a terrific eater, but there are no more stress-eating issues. So go with it and try to enjoy having kid that will eat pretty much anything you put it front of him.
Posted by: mortimer's mom at February 16, 2008 7:34 AMHe is beautiful when he smiles.
We recently returned home from China. We had our 8 yo and two, two year olds. It was not easy at all! By the time we got home, everyone was starting to bond. Now we are doing well, but I was getting weary and somewhat depressed in China. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.
It might be harder on your other two if he was bonded to you at this point. It could be a blessing in disguise that he wants Kevin.
I hope day three is much better!
You are so right about the grieving time. Right right right. When we were in China, our Baotou Beauty loved me and no one else. In the US? All daddy all the time. Now she's even. There is hope, and love.
Posted by: mama d at February 16, 2008 9:10 AMCongratulations on being five! It sounds gruelling right now, but that's to be expected, it can only get better!
Posted by: Nancy at February 16, 2008 9:25 AMOMG, he is the CUTEST child evah. Congratulations on the new addition!
Posted by: Mrs Figby at February 16, 2008 10:09 AMOh Lordy, I'm exhausted just reading. We are late everywhere we go and that is at home, with one, with no jet lag, no grieving and no jealousy.
In our group there was only one baby who had been with a foster family and I remember it was much harder for her, especially the nights but it passes, not much comfort when he is crying like his heart will break but he will come out on the other side. Soon you will see so much more of that amazing smile of his.
I LOVE the photos (well not so much the wolf) even posed your 3 children are all so gorgeous, I love that Z is having a little smile to herself.
I'm in awe that you actually manage to get out of the hotel at all that's no small feat with 3 children, especially 3 that are currently taken a bit of a dim view of each other!
I hope it goes okay tomorrow.
Loads of love and hugs to you all, well the ones that can cope with hugs - I'm guessing probably just you and K, maybe E? On second thoughts maybe just E since you and K are probably ready to swipe anyone else invading your personal space right now!
Posted by: Debberoo at February 16, 2008 10:10 AMloved the pictures! i'm sorry that things are difficult right now. that last picture of curren smiling is just so sweet - must give you some hope! i am sure that it will be difficult to go and visit - will he see the foster parents then? that will just rip your heart out all over again. now you know that you need to bring something home for me...how about the wolf?!
Posted by: heather at February 16, 2008 1:25 PMBelated congratulations on Curren, who is so beautiful and strong-willed and will teach you many valuable lessons about your own unsuspected strengths! He just glows in the photos that you have posted, your gorgeous boy.
And maybe a little sibling rivalry may finally get Z to eat more? Worth a try!
Good luck and best wishes! Post photos, artsy or not, whenever you can!
Jane
Posted by: Jane Fisher at February 16, 2008 2:59 PMOh man, Mao-Mao is stunning when he smiles. I'm sorry it has been rough-going the last few days. To be honest, I'm totally impressed that you make it out of your hotel with three babes! While I'm sure the visit with Curren's foster family will be emotionally exhausting, I hope it gives him permission to start attaching to his new family. Sending strength and peace your way...
Posted by: betsy at February 16, 2008 3:53 PMSending you lots of positive thoughts. Everyone is right, Curren has a great smile, and you'll be the focus of it some day soon! It took our older guy a while, but now I am constantly stared at by him, told how beautiful I am, how he dreams about me... and smiled at more than scowled at.
Our guys also over-ate from stress, but that tapered off over time.
You guys are amazing!
Posted by: Erin O' at February 16, 2008 7:31 PMOh he's just gorgeous. I mean, truly. What an exhausting time for all of you!
Posted by: Alisa at February 17, 2008 8:04 AMHe's beautiful. Just so beautiful.
Posted by: Journeywoman at February 17, 2008 12:29 PMYes, I was just thinking that Z might step up to the plate and start eating just to spite her new brother.
Posted by: lorrie at February 17, 2008 9:31 PMAre you all doing okay? Is the silence a hint for me to withdraw our dossier for number 3 immediately?
Hope your getting some more of those killer smiles, from your whole crew, and less of the tears and tantrums.
We miss you!
Posted by: Debberoo at February 20, 2008 3:21 PM