The grieving was not as intense or as devastating as I had feared. M-M's grieving was intermittent, not sustained; ditto for his sleep issues; ditto for the 100 niggly other little things you worry about as a new adoptive parent: pooping, communicating, bonding, eating, attaching, playing. We went up and down and up down with him, but there was more up than I had anticipated.

He was quite spoiled by the foster parents and there are some behavioral issues which will need to be tackled quite soon after we return home. He can throw a loud crying fit with the best of them, and he uses his fits frequently to express his needs and wants. He has very few boundaries, does not seem to understand limits. He throws his food around with wild abandon as he eats and tosses his plate on the floor when he is finished. His foster parents told us he ruled the dinner table and the entire family catered to him, eating in shifts around his demands.

M-M seems quick and intuitive. We show him something twice and he is ready to try it. He has four signs already which he uses unprompted: eat, more, please, and thank you. (Food is very motivating for M-M. VERY. Motivating.) He is curious and interested, friendly and silly.

He is still mostly attached to K. which has made the transition for Z. a bit easier and the transition with E. a bit harder. (E. tells me today that sometimes he thinks about M-M getting hurt or in trouble, Z. getting hurt or in trouble, and he likes thinking about that. I tell him that we are all adjusting and it will take some time. He can think those things right now if he needs to, and soon we will all be less tired and feel better.) He cries when K. leaves the room and wants to be held all of the time. He is still quite jealous of the other children and pushes, hits, slaps and bites on occasion to get them away from him or K. It has been hard on K. as it is hard on anyone when someone demands comfort and attention 24/7. We are taking it all one day at a time.

Mao-Mao. Ren-Ren. The rest of us are heading home, but M-M is heading to a completely strange environment where everything is new and nothing is familiar. I feel for him. I long for the day when our home is home to him, our family is his family, our love is accepted and returned. And I long for the day when we get to know the real Mao-Mao. There is a fabulous little boy waiting to blossom.

Thank you, People's Republic of China. Thank you, CCAA. Thank you, loving foster parents. We will do our best to honor the promises we made to you, and raise a caring, productive, happy little guy.

I felt tired and unhappy. The kids were fussy. The shopping was lousy. I didn't make it to several places I had wanted to go very much. We didn't make it to shoes or fabric or embroideries. I simultaneously did not want to leave and wanted to get home very badly. I dreaded both the packing and the flights. I realized sadly that this might very well be my last time ever in Guangzhou. I felt sad and discouraged. We ate an uninspiring dinner and headed back to the room.

As if the kids sensed everything we had a lousy night. E. was restless and rolled around kicking me over and over. Mao-Mao woke up and screamed for two hours straight again. Z. rocked silently. In the morning we missed our wakeup call (or it never happened) and we woke up late to scramble around the room. And we headed to the airport.

It had been a long trip. We were heading for home.

We wandered around Shamain Island for a bit, bought some large paper cuts, had a lunch that was too late, and rushed back to the hotel and right on to the bus.

The consulate office building

There were only 4 families scheduled for visas on Thursday and three on Friday so we were all combined and took our oath together on Thursday. We had to hang around quite a bit waiting for...something. Finally the officer came out and chatted us up, administered the oath, and handed out the passports. There was a problem with one of the families (I-171) and they were not given a visa(!) but the rest of us headed quickly back out to the bus.

The oath makes me cry. It's silly and I know it and I really shouldn't cry since all we swear is that we haven't lied on any of the paperwork. Still, it feels official and it's the last step before heading home. I was a bit weepy. E. raised his right hand right along with us and took the oath too.

Thursday was also the day of the Lantern Festival, signifying the end of the spring festival, so we rushed right out to an early dinner. I had been looking forward to the Lantern Festival for weeks, and warm, green Guangzhou seemed a lovely place to celebrate it.

I've got to admit it was a bit of a disappointment. I think my expectations were too high. I had envisioned a magical scene at dusk with children parading around with lanterns on sticks and parents laughingly following. There WERE red lanterns. But the scene in the park in Guangzhou resembled nothing so much as an enormous tacky Christmas display.

We walked into the park and there were giant "lantern" displays scattered about. Lots of Mickey Mouse since this is the year of the mouse. (The character/word for mouse and rat are the same in Chinese. Our guide emphatically called this the year of the mouse. I kept saying rat, because in the US almost everyone calls it the Year of the Rat. Anyway, Mickey.) Lots of Mickey. Also the five Olympic characters made a strong showing. (They are EVERYWHERE in China right now. The Olympics are a huge deal. We loaded up on Olympic themed goods, so we are ready for August.) And some more traditional Chinese items like fish, dragons, and lanterns.

The mood was festive. The park was crowded as things tend to be in China and it was hard to move. There was to be a concert with singing and dancing. It was a big, bright party. But it was not beautiful or contemplative or lovely. It was loud, crowded, smoky and a tiny bit obnoxious (in a good way). Like so much of the trip it wasn't what I thought it would be. Which didn't make it bad, but did leave me a bit disappointed. I still crave my magical fairyland of lanterns lighting up the night. Perhaps one day I shall have them.

[He weighs 22 pounds fully clothed. We had been told he was 24 pounds before we left the US and I brought 18-24 months clothing. He swims in all of it. Should have brought the 12-18 stuff that I bought.]

Afterwards we spend as much time outside as possible in the glorious Guangdong weather. We let the kids run around at the playground, do the paperwork sitting by the Pearl River, visit the beautiful botanical gardens, and walk down the pedestrian shopping street. E. is practicing to be the next Andrew Zimmern, eating fishballs, a tiny 3-inch baby bird, and a seahorse. I try to keep up with him but he is leaving me in the dust. It's sappy, I know, but I love the White Swan, Shamian Island, and Guangzhou. After the dry cold brownness of Inner Mongolia Guangzhou seems like an oasis of warmth. It's so green! There are palm trees! And flowers! I want to stay forever.

[As some of you have suggested, Z. has been a tad competitive with Mao-Mao and since M-M loves to eat, Z. has been an eating machine. For Z. Which means she has willing put more food in her mouth in the past 5 days than the rest of the past 2 years. She willingly ate noodles at dinner. All by herself. Sometimes competition is a good thing.]

He did very well...


...and then he didn't.


3 in the stroller


The best family shot we have (which isn't saying much)


Baby birds on a stick


Mao-Mao eats a fish ball (followed shortly thereafter by some dried cuttlefish)

(This is my first time on the computer in 4 days. I am not checking email. I am tired and overwhelmed and busy and happy and traveling and packing and unpacking and eating and walking. I am not on the computer, though. K. and I don't share well when it comes to having one computer.)

The foster parents were waiting on the third floor for us. We walked up the stairs and our facilitator told Mao-Mao in Chinese that we were going to see his foster parents. We opened the door and walked in.

Everyone cried. The foster mother and father and sister cried. We cried. Mao-Mao looked very confused for a good minute, realized what was going on, and began to wail. That made everyone cry more. E. and Z. looked scared and Z. cried a bit. Mao-Mao wailed and wailed. We all stood around feeling uncomfortable and nervous.

After Mao-Mao settled down we had a good chat with the foster parents and learned a lot more about Mao-Mao. Mostly things about his schedule and personality. We asked questions and said thank you a lot, said we can tell he really loves you and thank you so much for caring for him, thank you, thank you, thank you. They gave us a silver necklace for Mao-Mao, a traditional baby gift for a boy. We gave them our gifts. They asked for our address. We told them it was in the letter we gave them.

We invited them to lunch. We all crawled through a fence to cross the street to go to the restaurant. Everyone relaxed a bit. Mao-Mao did a whole bunch of tricks for us like blinking his eyes and waving and dancing. He smiled a lot and laughed and said his words. Of course he ate a bunch at lunch, and they told us that he was the king of the house and especially the dinner table. That wasn't news, but a lot of what we saw was brand new, a peek into his personality. So special.

Finally lunch was over. We went downstairs and the crying resumed. The foster mom and sister said goodbye and we all cried again, Mao-Mao most of all. We climbed in the van with the foster father to go and visit his finding place. We waved goodbye to the foster mom and drove away. The foster dad comforted Mao-Mao. I sniffled.

We got to his finding place. Standing in the spot where your child's first mother left him to be found by strangers is always hard on me. We took photos and some video and I felt profoundly sad and cried by myself for a few moments.

And then we left. We drove out to the highway and traveling along a bit before dropping the foster day off by the side of the road near his house. More tears from everyone.

The foster dad told us a lot of good information, the saddest thing being that the foster parents had wanted very much to adopt Mao-Mao but the rest of the family was against it, saying that they were too old to adopt. They had still been on the fence about it when the paperwork was sent to the CCAA and it was too late.

After we returned to the hotel Mao-Mao surprisingly seemed more settled and content. We had been told this might happen but after the rollercoaster day we didn't expect it. He smiled more and settled in with K. Things were good. Until we went to bed.

Mao-Mao went to sleep for a couple of hours and then woke up and screamed for 2 hours straight. Passed out. Woke up. Cried. Passed out. Woke up. Cried. Passed out. It was a long night. A very, very long night.

Even with the long night, we know how very lucky we are. Lucky to have met them, lucky to have their contact information, lucky to know for sure how very much they loved him.

Babies in the Baotou children's home


Meeting the foster parents


At lunch we learn why Mao-Mao was able to open K.'s cell phone with no hesitation

The airport in Hohhot was completely empty at 5:30 pm. It was noticeably colder and the cold and the emptiness gave the whole arrival process an eerie edge. We found our facilitator Sissi, gathered up the luggage and headed out.

The plan was to go to the hotel, check in and settle in a bit, and then meet SiMao. Sissi even asked if we were hungry and recommended that we eat before meeting the baby. The pace seemed leisurely almost. There was a nervous twang in the air for K. and I knowing that we were so close to meeting him, but there was also time.

The drive from the airport to the hotel was quick. We pulled up to the Holiday Inn. Which was fine except that we had requested to stay at the brand new Shangri-La. We told Sissi and there was much discussion with the local guide Sandra. It was decided that we would stay one night in the Holiday Inn and then switch hotels the next morning. We disembarked from the van. E. ran into the lobby with Sissi while K. and I were still sorting through the luggage. K. turned to me and said, "He's inside," and I said, "Ok." Calmly. Oh so calmly. K. said, "No, HE'S INSIDE," and I looked at him and the meaning dawned. I glanced in the window and there was Mao-Mao sitting on his foster father's lap looking bemused and interested.

Seems I am prophetic, at least in China. I had told K. over and over that he would be in the lobby and we would meet him before we got into our room. Sissi had said that they were at another hotel close by and that they would come after we called them. Nope. They were there, waiting.

We walked in and said hi. It was a bit anticlimactic but not in a bad way. There he was with the foster father and there we were and that was it. We said Hi. We exchanged pleasantries. We smiled and waved at Mao-Mao. We got checked in and went to the room to deliver our stuff. And then we went upstairs and they handed Mao-Mao to us.

He cried a lot. He wailed and thrust himself about. The woman from the SWI gave me tons of information about him and his schedule. K. and M-M paced the floor. E. played his gameboy and Z. clung to me looking worried. Mao-Mao cried some more.

We headed up to the room. More crying. Sissi ran out and got us some food which we gulped down standing by the desk. Mao-Mao cried. We unpacked enough to find pajamas for the kids and get Z.'s feeding pump set up. Mao-Mao cried. We tried to settle E. and Z. Mao-Mao eventually passed out and we sorted ourselves enough to get to bed.

We had a surprisingly good night. In the morning we met with the Official from the Civil affairs office and the notaries and the woman from the SWI. We did the paperwork and had our interview and that was it. According to the Chinese government he was ours.

There was a ton of talking about his mouth and the IVs and the hospital. K. and I watched him closely and he just didn't look all that sick to us. We knew he needed to eat and drink and we were ready to take him to the doctor, but it just didn't seem necessary.

We packed up our stuff and moved to the new hotel. We settled in. Mao-Mao did not cry that much, just looking shut down. And that's how we began our life with our new son.

The foster father slipped K. a note as soon as we walked in the door. We read it later and it was a lovely note, written in beautiful English, telling us that they were happy that we were adopting him and giving us their mailing address, phone number, and email address. They asked for updates. In the morning when we finally peeled off all of Mao-Mao's layers they had sewn another copy of the note to his bottom shirt. So sweet. He misses them, we can tell. They took good care of him, that is obvious too. We are so grateful to them. (They did seemingly spoil him, and they fed him ALL DAY LONG from what we can tell, but they loved him too.)

Curren Frank SiMao D.

He seems fine to us. He is a fabulous sturdy boy with chubby cheeks and a definite stubborn streak. When we met him he looked curious and bright-eyed. The SWI workers and the foster father recommended that we take him to the hospital in the morning (this morning) but he got up and seemed fine. We took him to lunch and he ate so much we were all shocked. Then we gave him something to drink and later a bottle. He is fine. Really, really fine. I mean except for the fact that he looks shell shocked most of the time when he isn't wailing. We got a few tiny smiles at lunch and we are content with that.

E. and Z. are ok. There has been rampant jealousy and lots of wailing by almost every member of the family, but things are smoothing a bit already. Such a bit change for everyone, including K. and I.

We will call him Ren eventually but right now he is Mao-Mao. We have been fussing over Mao-Mao's mouth and wondering about the doctor and doing our paperwork and changing hotels and walking outside in the bitter cold and shopping for stuff we need and trying to feed the kids and unpacking. Plus a few other things but those are the highlights. Sorry for leaving you all in the dark for 2 days.

He's a wonderful little guy. We can't wait to get to know him better.

P.S.: Happy birthday H.! Hope you had a wonderful day celebrating 31!

The facilitator just called. The baby is sicker. I don't even know what that means except that he is worse than when she called earlier today. He needed to go to the hospital for more "treatments and tests". That doesn't seem good, does it? Sicker?

The foster parents wanted to bring him to Hohhot because he is sicker. Apparently since they know him they want to keep taking care of him, especially because he is sick. Which I completely understand. Of course they do! But then, how will that work? I mean, we are supposed to have him and then they will be taking care of him? Um, this is a decision you do not want to have to make as a parent. Rip your sick child from the arms of the people who have been caring for him almost since birth? Or let them care for him while you are supposed to be getting to know him? My brain is spinning.

I don't know what to think. We will get there and we will assess the situation and we will do what needs to be done. I have no idea what that might be, but the most we may see of Hohhot and IM is the local hospital.

I'm officially worrying, and I ain't apologizing for it either.

Huh.

We are not to worry. Many, many other babies have had this same exact thing. It is not too bad. We will need to take him to the hospital two more days after we meet him for the IV. And maybe he can eat soft foods. Some soft foods. But don't worry.

Two non-eaters. At least we have been here before. I am hopeful he will take his bottle. And it's good to know this now, rather than when we get there.

Tomorrow evening we will meet him. Poor little bean.

I'm worrying. Not excessively, just a bit. For my poor little bean, at the hospital, with the IV.

She isn't wrong. It is cold and windy in Beijing just like everyone who has ever been here in the winter told me it would be. It is cold, but not terribly so. Bearable. But the wind, the wind ruins everything. It is so windy my toes curl just thinking about it.

We were tossing ideas back and forth this morning. Go out to the Olympic Park. Pearl market. Hutongs. We went to confer with the Concierge, and she suggested an itinerary: begin at the first park, walk through the second park, ending up at the hutongs.

Good. Except for the fact that the first park was high and windy. We climbed to the top to catch the view of the Forbidden City and it was cold. And windy. Ridiculously windy. Climbed back down. Walked back down and through and went to the second park. Walked through the entrance gate and were hit with a blast of wind so cold it almost knocked us over three different ways. Decided to forego the Winter Palace. Walked down the longest, windiest, coldest stretch of pavement I have met in quite some time. Got lost and wandered around a bit. Shivered.

Made it to the hutongs. This batch of hutongs was different that the batch we had seen on our last trip. These weren't as nice. Lots and lots of gray cement, hardly any nice doors or glimpses of courtyards. I bought a hot baked sweet potato much to the consternation of both K. and the rickshaw guy. It was good. Postcards too. I did. K. always looks at me like I am crazy, but I can't help it.

I can highly recommend both the Jingshan Park and the Beihai Park. Jingshan has great views of the Forbidden City and Beihai has a big lake with paddle boats and restaurants and historic buildings. In the summer. Or spring. When it is warm. And the people are wandering leisurely rather than leaning into the wind. Also the Qianhai lake is lovely and fun with boats and restaurants as well. Think summer, though. Warm breezes, tables outside.

By the way, I am not sick. I know! It's been 6 days and none of us are sick. At all. K. says the sweet potato was sitting right on the coals and I will probably be sick, but I'm not. I feel good, sweet potato and all.

Did I mention that as soon as I get out the long underwear Z. begins to fuss? And when we go outside she cries, and when I put on her hat she cries and when I pull up her hood she cries and when we put on the mittens she wails? She cried off and on through the first park, through the second park, and all along the hutongs. Apparently it isn't only me who doesn't like the cold in our little gang. Can't wait for Inner Mongolia!

P.S. After two days of good sleep everyone is perkier. We are almost perky!

it seemed clear as the sky was quite blue today but not that clear


can you sense the misery?*


it was *so* cold and *so*, *so* windy by this lake. SO cold. SO windy.
you could not have gotten me out there to chair ski/skate if you pulled me by the hair.**


the potatoes in question***


the end of the hutong tour

*E.'s pants are so dirty because 2/3 of the way through the first park he began sitting on the ground every time we stopped walking for a second and whining, "Can we go back to the hotel now? Can you caaaaaaaaaarry me? Well, can we rest?" We tried explaining that the way to keep warm was to keep moving. He wasn't convinced.
**There were also bikes with sleds that you could ride on the ice and taller chairs and a few other icegoing contraptions.
So many of the Chinese in Beijing do not wear hats. I am constantly surprised. They do not bundle themselves like they bundle the babies. (More on the bundled babies later.)
***I ate some of the skin too. I am living dangerously.

Today we went to church with some friends who didn't give us the chance to say no and then invited us back for lunch afterwards. That was the whole day. Things are a little slower in China. I feel impatient sometimes although I try my best to get into the groove of wherever I am. Having spent my whole life in the northeast US does not always serve me well. And the clock is now ticking on our time in Beijing. I am not going to see the Great Wall on this trip, or the summer palace (not really on the itinerary in mid-winter), or the observatory, or a million other little places that are floating around in my brain. There will be another time I tell myself. Another time which isn't an adoption trip.

Tomorrow we may or may not be heading out of the city to visit a foster home. We are planning to go but the arrangements have been slow in coming and so now we aren't sure. It is fine either way. Just another question mark. Add it to the list.

K. asks me if I am nervous about HSM. There is an underlying nervousness, but the LAG coupled with helping the children to cope has pushed it down. I know our family is about to go upside down and really there is nothing I can do about it. I am a bit nervous. I am excited. I am worried. Mostly I am tired.

We are to meet HSM on Wednesday now. We will arrive in Hohhot 4:30-ish and supposedly still have time to get to the hotel and get settled before he arrives. We are not completely happy about this. Meeting the newest member of the family at 7 or 8 pm and then having to get everyone settled into bed soon after sounds...challenging. We have discussed it with our guide and it seems the deal is done. We will meet him on the 13th, with the interview on the 14th. That does push the meter a bit closer to "Panic Stricken". I am not expecting much sleep our first night in Hohhot.

The kids are in the tub. We are getting ready for bed. It is 7:30 and I am counting the minutes until my head hits the pillow. I should rename the blog Obsessed With Sleep.

Yeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss. Dirty and crowded it was. I hadn't had my personal space moment until today. Take everything you've heard about Japanese commuter trains, add in a stupidly large stroller (we are such Americans!) and one blond boy/girl, shake (a lot, really hard), and you have our visit to the temple fair (Ditan Park). It was fun though. In a really crowded way.

E. has been da bomb on this trip. He has adjusted well, goes along with whatever crazy idea we concoct, tries to eat whatever it is we are eating, and generally has a pretty good attitude. (The GameBoy helps. A lot.) Since E. is a child and also blond he is stared at, pointed at, and talked at everywhere we go. He also has his picture taken quite a bit. At the fair he was mobbed at least twice. Once while we were in the inner part of the temple watching the people light their incense we spent a good 10 minutes on his photo op and attracted a large circle of bystanders. He mostly politely says "Ni hao" and smiles for the camera. Everyone assumes he is a girl because of his hair. He has taken to answering the question "What is your name?" by saying, "I'm E. I'm five years old. Five. And I'm a boy." After the twentieth teenage girl came up today and said, "Pretty girl. Such a pretty girl. What is your name?" he looked at K. and I and said, "I am a boy, right?" It's my fault. I do love his hair so.

Z. has been having a tougher time. The time change was hard for her, as is the hotel, the strange food, the staring, the crowds, and the gloves of course. She has resorted to rocking a lot to self-sooth. Add in the fact that we are her Caucasian parents, and the fact that we all sit and eat while she watches in the restaurants and it's been an interesting trip. Oh, and we also crashed the feeding pump the very first night in China by plugging it into an outlet that we were told was safe. We have done our best to find the fuses that we blew to no avail. So she is having random large feeds with ice cream and yogurt thrown in for good measure. She is coping the best she can and hanging in there. Every once in a while she smiles.

the fuse that is causing all the consternation


enough red lanterns to keep you busy for a while


many, many fake branches of spring flowers


Z. not enjoying the temple fair


E. with his constant paparazzi

The Grand Hyatt Beijing is really quite nice when one's eyes are not clouded by stultifying fatigue on par with finishing back-to-back Ironman triathalons or setting the record for sailing around the world solo or ensuring that your two sleep deprived children eat at least 2 square meals per day. The lobby is big and bright, there is a lovely breakfast buffet, the room is airy and comfortable and there is a ridiculously over-the-top reminds-me-of-Vegas (even though I've never been) Hawaiian fantasy swimming pool. Plus a gigantic lux mall in the basement. Things are a bit brighter today.

We venture out to the Silk Market, a tourist trap to be sure (we see more caucasians in 2 hours than we have seen in 3 days), to bargain and buy stuff. We return to a room that hasn't been done due to the fact that we left the DND button pushed and we head back out to kill some time. This is tragic due to the fact that Z. will now not have a nap today. K. has coffee and buys me the Year of the Rat swatch. [I am instantly transported back to high school, where my signature look was two swatches at the same time.]

We have dinner with Melody Zhang, one of the co-founders of Children's Hope International, and her husband and 3 of her children at the fascinating food court in the bottom of the mall hiding under the Hyatt. We had read about the food court but we hadn't found it ourselves even after considerable wandering. We eat hot pot and various other things which we can't identify and have a lovely time talking orphan care and life in Beijing.

And then we stumble back upstairs to the hotel room and the big fluffy white beds to try to sleep.